Random thoughts…

As I sit here sipping my coffee  on this sunny (& already warm) morning peering into my yard I wonder, ‘how has my life dramatically changed… Yet, has  it become stagnant?’ How odd it is the interaction that I have between Strangers, Family and Friends have either developed or ceased to be. My past joys and sadness are constantly evolving.
The world is in constant motion. Every day the sun set and the moon rises… just like every day and I am so thankful for that. But. The big “BUT”. What am I doing in my life to enrich it? What steps have I taking to find myself soulful fulfilled and this ‘happiness’? Is it all a delusional dream that I strive for in vain. Is it all for not?

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Truths, A Perception or Reality

Call me crazy… as the low morning light filtered through my bathroom window illuminating my reflection I felt a calm wave bathing over me. My eyes felt like they were fluttering open for the first time. I knew I loved Me. That I am not only choosing to love myself, but in all actuality and truth, I do LOVE MYSELF.
I digress, there have been numerous¬† moments where I feverently believed I did… Thought I unconditionally accepted all the rolls, scars and zits… I didn’t. I hadn’t. How could I now? Do I now? Yes, wholeheartedly, YES!

Random trappings of a gypsy soul…

To feel and love, so deeply, is both a blessing and a curse.

Knowing what you want and desire, all within arms reach, yet feels so. unattainable.

Spending waking moments reminiscing the wonderful times of our past. Dreaming, restless dreams, of how the good times have changed. Wondering… waiting… crying.

They say we, within ourselves, are responsible for our own ultimate happiness. I agree, but that doesn’t mean that the ones we love and hold dearly can’t affect our overall state of emotion/s.

I’m so unhappy. I tried to tell myself it is my fear of surrendering/giving all of me to Love… but having self reflected, meditated and talking with everyone who loves me… it’s not me. He just doesn’t want me anymore, which is why he isn’t showing me any love or seems to care anymore. No one is that busy. If I meant something to him, he should want to see me, to reach out to me. He should… should he not? Meet me halfway? I grow weary of constantly
walking, skipping and running towards him seeking his affection. Love is a two way street. Or so I was led to believe. It hurts. I need to end put an end to this hole he’s creating in my heart, but then I become nostalgic and dream of all the wonderfully loving moments we shared. Was it all for naught? I sit here, heartbroken. I know it’s over and I can’t do anything to salvage it.